Thursday, May 24, 2012

Come Messy.

I am 7 1/2 months pregnant.  On top of that reality, I have a vibrant 17 month old to lovingly chase after each day.  Needless to say by 8:00PM, once Gideon is asleep, the day is over for this Momma.  The couch is suddenly my best friend.  Ok, who am I kidding, the bed is my best friend!

But if you know me at all you know that I am a bit of a neat-freak!  At the end of each day I like to do a quick once-over before bed and get everything in working order.  I finish up the dirty dishes, put away the laundry, clear off the bottomless pit that is the kitchen table, etc.  That way I am able to start the next day with a clean clutter-free house and it makes me quite happy.  Well, last night, not only did my daily to-do list remain only half accomplished, but every corner of my house was also in exceptional disarray.  Since this pregnant Momma was left with zero steam to make the magic happen, the disaster remained.  And I went to bed.

This morning at 5:30AM, I was wide awake and ready to take on the day (I am a morning person, what can I say?!?).  Now understand this.  I always strive to put Jesus FIRST in my day.  I'm not saying that it always ends up happening that way, but it is always my goal and my heart's desire.  So I sat down at the kitchen table and grabbed my Bible.  And then, of course, my son starts to scream (he is the lightest sleeper on the earth and wakes up if he hears a tiny creak in the floor).  So now I am (1) frustrated with the fact that my son is awake at 5:45AM screaming to get out of his bed and (2) I am ALSO completely distracted by the chaos and disorder of my house!  The mound of crusted dishes on the counter are calling out my name... The toys (and random items that my son "thinks" are toys) scattered about the house are suddenly highlighted in my brain... The 6 Target bags from my errands yesterday are begging to be unloaded and put away.  So I think to myself, I will be able to concentrate more on Jesus when my son finally decides to go back to sleep and when the house is sparkling clean... Surely, THEN I will be able to quiet my mind and be still with Him.

I get up and begin to tackle the house... The toys... The dishes... The MESS!  After 45 minutes, my son (thankfully) has fallen back to sleep and my house is beaming with order.  So I sit down and I begin to look at my to-do list, scheming over the order of operation and the probability of fitting it ALL into one day.  AGAIN, I wander off track to something other than sitting down to be with God.  Thankfully (by grace alone) it is only 6:45 and I still have some time left in the morning (since I got up so stinkin' early) so I pick up my Bible, along with the book I am reading, "A Praying Life," and I begin to read.

The chapter is called "Become Like Little Children."  As I read I soon discover that it is talking about coming to Jesus just as we are...

"The criteria for coming to Jesus is weariness.  Come overwhelmed with life.  Come with a wandering mind.  Come messy."  - Paul E. Miller

My eyes welled up with tears.

This message was exactly what I needed.  I had spent the entire morning busy and cleaning up the mess of life.  And I realized that all the while, my Heavenly Father just wanted me to come to Him FIRST.  In all the mess.  In the middle of all the chaos and unfinished business of my life.  Just as I am.  Just as my world existed in that moment - Even if that was with a screaming child in the background, a disaster of a house surrounding me or a to-do list consuming my brain.  Even if I am insanely distracted by my circumstances.  He just wants me to come.  I don't even have to have the Bible or a deep book to read.  I can just come and sit in His lap.  Even with all of my wandering thoughts.  I can just close my eyes and breath in His comfort.  Soak in His embracing presence.  Even if only for a moment (sometimes moments are all we have).  He just wants me to COME... to tell Him that I love Him... that I need Him... that I'm frustrated... that I'm overwhelmed.  He wants me to welcome Him into every messy moment of my day.  Most of all, He longs for me to ENJOY Him in the midst of the messiness.

This is something that I am working on.  I'm trying to find the delicate balance between maintaining order in my home (and my heart), while at the same time not missing out on the eternal things that my eyes "cannot see" along the way.  I become so easily overwhelmed with all the to-do's of life and the short hours that I have to accomplish them.  On top of it all, I worry that I am not praying "enough" or as "effectively" as I should be.  But the reality is that my prayer life will NEVER be perfect.  It was never meant to be.  Prayer is simply communication with God.  My Father just wants me to talk to Him about what is going on in my life and allow Him to walk with me.  He wants to be there when I stumble (and I WILL stumble), not to condem me but to encourage me and love me through it.  And even to LAUGH with me in the middle of my ridiculous problems.  He wants my straight-forward honesty.  Nothing hidden.  My frustration, weariness, confusion and strife are all instruments that God uses to draw me closer to Him.  And for that, I can rejoice in the mess.  


Jesus, help me to always look to You first... messy... and help me hand it all over to YOU!

5 comments:

  1. This is a great post babe... Sorry for my lack of eagerness to clean last night as well.

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  2. Marriage and then children will do that. When Angie and I first got married I would vacuum once a day. Every day. I pulled that back to 4 or 5 times a week with our first child. Even further with our second. But I was still running around like mad trying to get that order I so desperately love. Me. It's all about me. Eventually I realized I would end up killing myself and those around me if I remained such a nut. There are way more precious things in the world than a clean house. WAY MORE. But I still like a clean desk when I sit down to work.

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  3. G, you're right - so perfect! I love that God is working on such similar areas of our life, but in each of our own unique ways. I can't imagine life without a friend like you. I'm so grateful for the story behind our friendship. (Sigh) I'm also thanking God for the mess on the table that remains to remind me that I have a friend that would bend over backwards (even pregnant) to do anything for me. Praising God (and learning to enjoy Him) this morning!

    LOVE you!

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  4. This is a hard one for me! There are so many things calling my name, so many "priorities" that are demanding attention, always something undone...and it is hard to just turn away from it all and turn toward Jesus first. Sometimes I want to just run on "Grace gas" instead of filling my tank EVERY morning, but the fact is that delaying my time before God seems to result in the day being harder, not easier. I love how He makes a way for me to complete ALL that He desires me to do in a day...I just have to put Him first!

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